Speculation on the Origins of Pete's Racial Bias
"Yes, Virginia, there really is a dick in your ass."
by Fuzzy Winkerbean
year is 1917. A young and impressionable Peter Pederson is travelling
abroad with his parents on the Indian subcontinent, absorbing the exotic
sights and sounds of an ancient culture steeped in mystery, tradition,
and curry. All of a sudden, Little Pete spies, with his little eye,
a funny little monkey scurry across the dirt road into a bustling Indian
"Mummy, Daddy," Pete cries, "look at the monkey! He's ever so cute, can't I go and play with him?"
They exchange knowing glances, fondling each other mischievously under their saris, and a smile flashes across Caroline's face.
"OK, Petey," she says, "you can go and play with the monkey, but don't let him piss in your mouth. You don't know where his little monkey cock has been. And you come right back here when you're done!"
"I will!" he shouts with glee, and runs off after the funny little monkey. Little Petey chases him for not so very long before the monkey disappears into a dark and funny-smelling doorway with a puff of dust.
"Golly," Petey wonders aloud, "I wonder if I should follow the monkey into that dark and poopy-smelly hole." But the monkey gives such a playful shriek, and Petey's eyes light up ever so much, that he runs into the monkey's hidey hole as fast as his little legs can carry him!
It's so dark that Li'l Pete can't see his hand in front of his face, but after a minute his eyes adjust and he sees a very big Blackamoor in the corner playing with the monkey. The monkey is sitting on the big man's lap and shrieking and shrieking. What fun, Petey thinks! I would like to play with that monkey, too!
So Pete runs over to play with the monkey but before he can reach out his pudgy little palm to pet it, the Blackamoor scoops him up and smiles with his big pearlies. "You like to play, little man? Play with this!" He sits Petey down on his big lumpy lap and takes a shiny metal thingie from around his neck and hands it to Little Pete. "It is a stethescope," he says! "In my native land I was a doctor, but here I must fuck the monkeys! But what can you do, yes? The monkeys must be fucked!" The doctor holds Li'l Pete up in his thick black arms and pats his rosy little bottom. "Do you like to fuck, little boy?"
NO!" The jigaboo is so startled that he drops little Pete, who
bounces off the doctor's thick black cock on the way down. A beatiful
Indian princess picks him up off the floor and dusts him off. Petey
looks up into her soft brown eyes and pisses himself immediately as
she whisks him away from the
"That was Katanga," she says. "He is a very bad man! A big black doctor with a thick black cock! If you ever see him again you must promise me that you will run away as fast as your little legs will carry you!"
"I will!" Petey says.
"Now I will blow you and take you back to your mummy and daddy," she said. And she was as good as her word.
Little Petey spent the rest of his life looking for the beautiful dothead that blew him and saved him from the big black doctor. He finally found her in Chicago on the corner of Devon and Western, wandering the aisles of Gandhi Electronics for a "vibrating massage therapy device."
He never did go to another black doctor.
Papa Pete and Caroline continue to fondle each other's privates in public to this very day.
Past pieces presented by Baja Phats
Osama bin Laden is Not according to George W. Bush by Ben Timberlake
Little Man Says... by Little Man
My Imminent Departure from Chicago, Pt. 2 by Ben Timberlake
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